i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
