My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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