so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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