I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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