quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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