In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
