It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
