my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
