Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
