my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
