I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
