btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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