I'm eating all of the evidence.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
