took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
