I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
