I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
