im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
