Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
