Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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