You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
