I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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