Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
50% drunk capacity currently
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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