fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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