More tranny stories later!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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