so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
