I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
