I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
