You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
