so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
