Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
