my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
