Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i will never coherently bang her
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
