Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
