Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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