After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
