I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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