what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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