Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
