cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
