just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
