woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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