I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
