Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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