Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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