ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
