Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
