Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
