I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
