if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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