So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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