Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
